Monday, March 31

Hey, it's kinda sianz ya know, with the long break and absolutely nothing to do... Hehe, trying to poke fun at those who got loads and loads of homework to do from all those school webpages... Haha, well, good luck to them anyway. Oh ya, finally gonna finish my FF8... Trying to train my last character before going to fight stupid Seifer :) Haha, hope Yixin doesn't see this. She is crazy about him!! Haha... Ya, talking crap here lar, just wanna kill time.

Bored.

Posted by Isabelle at 5:57 pm

Wednesday, March 26

It's holiday!! Wahahaha!! (sings to the song "It's so nice to be happy... Shalalala..."). Dumb, but that piece of new is the best news I've heard these days. School's never nice anyway, so why bother pretending you are not happy? Duh, everyone's happy, of course, short of those infected patients. Well, they were the ones who helped us make this holiday. I am not trying to be crude or anything, I am just laying it on the line. Happy as it is, just hope you don't get it, and hope this doesn't get worse.

O_o

Posted by Isabelle at 8:39 pm

Tuesday, March 25

Ohh, yah, never told you all which JC I am posted to. Hah, not gonna tell ya! Anyway, give you a clue. It's extremely far from my home. Ok lar, not exactly far, but I got lost and went on many wrong buses before I finally reached school. Of course, I was late. Haiz, broke my record of never being late. Bad huh? Somemore on both Monday and Tuesday ya know. So moronic...

I reached the bus interchange at around 7 am, and got on this wrong bus (all Vennie's fault!!), almost went to Toa Payoh, before decided to get off and head back to get another bus. Lucky I was able to follow this guy I saw on the way to college. Late though. That's Monday for me. Oh yar, I took 293 back to interchange when I left for home.

Tuesday. Again, I reached the bus interchange at around 7 am, and because yesterday I took 293 back from college, I thought 293 could bring me to college. However, I didn't know there was two types of 293, and I took the wrong one!! Argh. Anyway, the bus took me for a half-hour ride around the town, and went back to the interchange. Well, at least I saw this student and followed him to college (Again!!). Late again. Fine, I know, I am dumb, stupid, and don't know how to take buses. And a stalker. Haiz. I think if this goes on, I am gonna be blacklisted in all the guy's handbook or something -- I keep following them!!

Duh.

Posted by Isabelle at 7:20 pm

Saturday, March 22

Hey... The FINAL decision came out just this morning. The website was full of crap, but the bottom line was, "Not posted to AJ." I wun tell you where I'm posted to. You have to find it yourself =). Hehe. Anyway, I was not very shocked nor stunned nor angry nor sad. In fact, I felt a sense of relief. (At least someone up there was listening to me. Thanks!!!!) I had actually expected to be sad or frustrated or even crying. But nope. Relief. Can't believe it huh? Well, me too. I guess it must have been a blessing. Don't know why, though to outsiders it doesn't sound like one. I don't believe things can go better than this. I am satisfied with what I am given, and I don't want to end up making a fuss out of everything and feel uphappy.

Contented.

Posted by Isabelle at 9:45 am

Wednesday, March 19

Wow... Look at the last date I updated... Oops... I guess I overlook this part of my life. Too absorbed in trying to beat FF8 (hehe...) even though I have already finished the game. Thought that no harm replaying. Well, the whims of my mood. =)

Went researching on FF8 and found many fanfics. Very nice!! And very well-written. I can't paste it here, it's too long, but I will quote some parts that I really like.

"Rejection is the hardest part of life; it is human nature to avoid failure. We are taught as children to do our best and that will always be good enough. That is a lie, an illusion created by those around us to hide our shortcomings. Nobody aspires to fail, nobody attempts to fail, yet signs of failure are all around us. Every rejection, every denial drives us deeper into personal solitude. The secret is getting out before it buries you."

Yar... and things like that. Hmm... Nice huh? Plus it really describes your inner thoughts. and things you never thought about. Wonder if anyone thought of these things?

Posted by Isabelle at 10:27 pm

Sunday, March 9

Realised it's been a long time since I wrote my blog. Feeling so much better after telling myself that things can't change, no matter how you whin and nag about it. Well, it's facts. Anyway, feeling quite good because school's ending and I can finally relax for a bit. It's tiring ya know, to keep up with school.

Well, kinda feel very relaxed now, after everything's settled (not really though). Wonder how I would feel when I get my posting results. Shan't try to think about it.

Posted by Isabelle at 2:45 pm

Sunday, March 2

Hmm. Feel that the pressure's going down, though there are still some hiccups here and there. Wonder if I'd ever get over it. Registered for JC today, feeling very rotten. Can't seem to forget that I might not stay in AJ after all. It's not a good feeling, and I feel very down and out because of it. It's sickening. It's like a stupid rock weighing down on me. Suffocating ya know. Can't seem to be me these few days, all because of the stupid feeling. Can't wait for this stupid period of time to pass. It's stupid. Everything looks stupid. Everything feels stupid. Everything sounds stupid. In short, from what I see, everything is stupid.

Posted by Isabelle at 9:47 pm

Saturday, March 1

Still can't seem to accept the fact that I am a 14 pointer, no matter how hard the facts are. And just because I am a 14 pointer, I am pressurised by everyone. Because my results are so unstable, I can't decide whether can I really stay in AJ. And because its a 14 pts, I feel very outcast, very useless, very inferior. I know people say I am actually good, but it's just that my humanities pulled me down. I know all these, but you gotta accept the cold hard facts. I am a 14 pointer. What so good about double A1s for maths and double A2s for Phy and Chem when you get 14 pts??

What's worse is that whenever I think about my C5 for humanities, I get the feeling that I actually flunked my humanities so badly that after moderation I still get a C5. What is this? I must have gotten such a terrible grade, like F9 or G10(If there is such a grade), to remain as a C5. Sad truth ya? I know I am no good, but I can't believe it lor, I have been consistently passing my humanities, there is no reason why I would fail. Why? Is my humanities really that bad until it can't be further moderated? Is it? I know I shouldn't harp on it, but can you feel the piercing and the humiliation of the grade? I can't bear it.

Am I really that useless?